-I don't think MamaCat is going to make it till tomorrow afternoon. ;-;



-Read Animal Farm a few days ago. Decent to good. Not spectacular. 

-Next Crime & Punishment.



-Fucked up what was supposed to be a skin removal wristband. Probably gonna try and fix it by means of branding because, frankly, a #15 scalpel is not my weapon of choice. I wish I had a cautery pen...or blow torch. 



-Tried to win the Modify DVD to no avail. Personally, I believe the contest is just an attempt to get more comments and no one really wins the dvd :/   Guess I'll give in and buy the damn thing - providing Taurian is ever open. . . fuckers.



-Got my nipples pierced diagonally. Took the right one out because I wasn't  120% pleased with its placement and it looked like some sort of tragedy would occur (rejection, infection, somethin'). 



-Things with Synthski are going well.  We watched Nowhere, probably the most fucked up and badass movie ever. 



-gonna go sit with the cat now :'[

YES YES YES YES YES 


I WIN
  I WIN



While walking along Westheimer on Sunday I stopped in The Vault to see if they carried pinchers so I could change my septum jewelry to something more aesthetically pleasing. I got to talking with the guys there and mentioned how I want to apprentice and BAM I'm they're newest (and cutest) apprentice.  I start tomorrow around noon with basic stuff, then shortly after 4 when the head piercer arrives the fun stuff begins. We've already been discussing a some things for my body that neither of us have seen before :]  and could be named after me <3   w00t

(The lovely boys at The Vault are also talking about getting one of their fetish model clients and myself together to help build my portfolio & get paid work)

also.

a couple/few weeks ago I went to Taurian and the owner, who is also one of the main people in CORE, a suspension group, told me that he would like me to join them !!! That's pretty much like telling a normal little girl she can be a princess when she grows up. I'm so excited!




~~~~~~


Only 2 more tests till I graduate (arg chemistry). Gonna visit HCC and UH soon and talk to their counselors and get suggestions on what I should do.   I've been contemplating taking a performance art course so I can do shock art, sadly most art schools are trying to ban shock art      >:/   which is rather hypocritical if you ask me



~~~~~~~


I'm working on a song right now too.
but in the mean time go check out my boyfriend's music. 
Nuclear Logic

I get quite a bit of college mail. I used to read and save a good bit of it. 
Now I just throw it away. I don't even bother opening the ones from former potential schools.

I feel as is thats what I'm doing with my  dreams*. But I'm still planning on persuing  a career which requires a substantial amount of further education.  I just have no clue what that career may be. 

*-Dreams can be defined as the period of time in which I aspired to succeed at a career in experimental psychology/psychopharmacology OR make a dream out of  Lighting Design, whether it be for concerts or theatre.


Lately I've been filled with questions. To myself, to others, about myself,  about others.
I almost feel as if I'm taking too many steps back.
__

The (trivial, yet potentially overwhelming) plan thus far seems to be
+Feb/March I move into new downtown location with parental units. 
-Visit friend in Ft. Worth    -Graduate.   -Learn keyboard & become good.      -Try to apprentice at one of two piercing studios.  -Job?    -Get a tattoo for birthday and do a suspension.     -Get a car in mid to late June.    -Join gym, stay healthy, be fit.     -Try xxx. xxxxxxxx.(nothing bad, I'm just sick of talking about it)          -Perhaps join suspension team ....  
+July/August Lauren and I are relocating to an apartment in Austin.
-Go to college for basic courses. Only a few hours a week   -Get a job (aka mission complicated)    -Hopefully continue apprenticeschip at a different studio.    -Continue practicing keyboard.   -Stay healthy/fit.    -xxx. xxxxxxxx some.     -Suspension team?   -Conventions/camps/barbecues/etc of various kinds.  Maybe other kinds of traveling too.
+Summer '08 may move somewhere. 
Depends on everything else. Los Angeles is still my #1 destination.  North America is offering a plethora of future homes.  Los Angeles, Detroit, NYC, Philladelphia, Phoenix, Toronto, Cincinatti, Seattle. There's just so many! 
______
To a deaf audience,
=9th of March I'm going to San Antonio to see P9 and give Nero the damn flag. ..which I desperately need to finish.
=Music files need a severe enema.  Loads of shit stuck in there :(
=My ass hurts from this wooden chair. I can't wait to have an actual computer chair.
=This computer needs to be looked at/cleaned professionally and the CD tray, which I accidently broke out, replaced. 
=Tomorrow I get my synth and I will probably be hooking it up to my laptop and dedicating that machine to music.
=It's all about Crack Rock'n'Roll these days. Crack rock'n'roll and having your mind fucked.
=The future is modified. &cyborgs.
=Got new Skinny Puppy CD. I have mixed feelings about it.  Still madly in love with them though. Can't wait till the tour. etc. etc. 
=Saw Hannibal Rising. I had very low expectations which were met and outdone. I love any bit of gore, Hannibal, WW2/Germany, Japanese sword techniques so I'm a biased critic. 
=I made a damn good attempt to walk to the movie theatre Thursday evening (9ish). While passing in front of some apartments I was approached by a mexican guy who tried to get me to go drink beer with him :P   No thx.      Later I was running through a field by the medical area and my shoe got stuck in mud >_<    I had to walk back through the mud in my sock to find the shoe and put it back on. Not long after that I got picked up by a girl I used to have a maybe-crush on.
=One of my friends want to get his p33n pierced, so naturally I'm the chosen company in this quest.  This will give me an extra opportunity to talk with/make an impression at the studio. I'm pretty sure he was serious.....
=I wanna go to prom :P           I may be going to prom.  :P
=I have been told I am very fucking unique several times in the past couple weeks. 
=Currently reading The Antichrist by Nietzche. 
=Often I find myself analyzing things to extreme degrees.
=A visit to the dentist is long overdue. Nothing is visibly wrong...I would just like to make sure I don't get ex-tweeker teeth. 
=Body modification consumes my thoughts lately. It's almost like an addiction replacement for drugs..... much less destructive though.
=No matter what I'm doing with myself it seems to be self destructive one way or another.
=paranoia sucks. 
=Damian is my valentine.
=I want a mint chocolate..phone!
=Shannon Larratt is cute. 
=Sick of cleaning and I'm getting tired :[
=Gotta go clean (4:29am)


***********************************
Today I would like to promote Aphex Twin as good mentalfuck music. Download and listen to at a high volume WindowLicker
**********************************

RAA
AWW
WRR!!

My ex tried to kill himself last night. Not sure if it was one of those attention plz suicide attempts or a real failed suicide. I'm inclined to believe the first one though.
He took 90mg of morphine, 8 xanax, 6 somas, 2 vicodin, (poorly made) heroin, & some beer.  Atleast that's what the away message said.

I tried calling once last night and again this morning. I also left a message on aim telling him to call me when he got up   :P     
Around 1 o'clock I get a call on my cell and its him. Suppossedly at one of the hospitals downtown. His car also suppossedly broke down/lit on fire on the way to the hospital for psychiatric treatment this morning.  My concern level is quite low.

~~~Now that that's out of the way~~~

********
Last Wednesday Chris, Roman, & I went to NA. People were very nice. I definitely win title of youngest person there.   :D     It was slightly impactful. I just know I don't want to end up like the other people in there. And as for their suggestion of attending 90 meetings in 90 days.....yeah right.  I'll stick to my once a week meeting. 



**********
Went to Guitar Center :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look at the sexy beast of a synth I'm getting .  
i r excited.


********
Life is good.
A little chilly
But good. 



*****
And now a little promotion for a band who's street team I'm joining.

I'm much better now. Complete sobriety has set in. Withdrawl is non-existant (yay!). Being with mom 24/7 is no fun, but understandable. 

I keep trying but I just can't write down everything that happened between Sunday and Wednesday....I can't even make a list of what drugs I took on which days...because I don't know when one day stopped and another began. Or when one drugs effects quit and anothers took hold. Actually.......I don't know what drugs I took (or how many...I estimate 5 to 7). I began hearing things early Tuesday.. or late Monday ...and probably seeing things shortly after. 

Most exciting hallucination: Bats. Flocks of bats flying at the car while driving down a highway at night. "We can't stop here. This is bat country!" . Or maybe thinking we had hit various woodland creatures on the highway dozens of times over


This time mom threatened rehab. I was actually thinking of asking to go to rehab (or just be institutionalised) myself on Thursday morning, but those feelings have passed.

I've tried the hardest
The most dangerous ways
Now to say I never relapsed

I think I had a mental collapse
I've experienced insanity

Took brads car out on  a mission..without his permission. He wouldn't wake up....so yeah, couldn't be denied or approved.

Ended up putting it BACKWARD in a ditch right around the corner. Came back home to try and wake Brad up-no luck. So we decided to go back out to the car and see what we could do. Cop was at the car, writing a warning, so we just casually walked past it. Cop followed us, pulled us over. Couldnt find me in the database so they fucking had me against the back of their car, cuffed my ass. And not just in the one's with links between them but the tight handcuffs so you can't even twist your wrists. Shoved me in the back of the police car. I ended up wiggling my way out of the cuffs (haha! go houdini!) They let me out, talked to me more, I cried my way out of getting in trouble. The police officer called my mommy and had her verify my existance, but didn't tell her what had happened...just that they needed to see that I wasn't lieing about my name and all. God damn, never been cuffed before. Some intense shit, all for a little car in a ditch . bitch please. 

Oh yeah, and I have no clue how to get the damn car unstuck. YAY FOR CRAZY MORNINGS!

Moral of the story-don't let me drive a stick shift that's about to explode anyway.